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Rin [userpic]

My feelings keep changing everything...

January 25th, 2007 (11:07 pm)
sleepy

current location: campus
current mood: sleepy
current song: Catch you catch me!

Grey's Anatomy tonight was good tonight! The story with the two friends and one girl's Amish parents was surprisingly heartbreaking, but not in a "there's someone to dislike" sort of way. What happened was that these two girls come in, one of them is asking for a checkup with the gynecologist, and they find out she has cancer. When they operate, they find out that it's malignant stage four cancer and they won't operate further on her (this is sad for another reason that has to do with George's situation) and just want her to live the time she has. She calls for her parents, who are Amish, because she wants them just like any child wants their parents with them when they're scared (or those who have good relations with their parents, I should say). However, her best friend has been shunned by them because she's baptised into the society (religion?) and she chose to leave and be a part of the 21st century. The girl with cancer really wants to go home and be baptised and die an Amish death and be with her family, but she has promised to be with her friend.

The saddest part? The no-longer Amish fried (after talking to Izzy) tells her best friend to go home to be with her family, even though she'll lose her best friend once she goes back because she has to shun her. The parents come in to be with their daughter, and the mother turns to the shunned girl and talks to her, and tells her that she'll tell her parents that she saw their daughter today and that she has grown up to be a beautiful young woman. It was SO SAD I was crying. Then I was crying because poor Chief is alone.

Long day of classes today, but all the things I was waiting for marks on came back with excellent scores, so I was happy. It's just so cold outside now! Speaking of unbelievable, the temperature today is in the single-digits, or in the teens...and I happen to run into another student walking around in bare feet and a sweater. OEEE!! BARE FEET AND A SWEATER! It gives me chills just to think about it! Anyway, there are pictures up everywhere telling everyone to keep their windows shut because the pipes will freeze if they're left open.

On a different note, there's something odd in the air...a feeling? A sense of...something?

Tired, I'll make a more coherent entry tomorrow.


aitai na aenai na setsunai na kono kimochi
ienai no iitai no
CHANSU nogashite bakari

datte (datte) datte (datte)
tsubasa hiroge futari de
sora wo MARASON yume wo YUNIZON shitai

I want to see you, but I can't... How sad, these feelings...
I can't say it, but I want to.
I just keep letting my chance slip by.

But still (But still) But still (But still)
Together, let's spread our wings and
marathon across the sky; I want our dreams to be in unison

Rin [userpic]

Fweeeeee~

January 24th, 2007 (12:03 am)
accomplished

current location: Campus
current mood: accomplished
current song: Be Gentle With Me

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The snow melted fast today - then again, we didn't really get much so it hardly affected anything. Granted I had no class, and I wasn't driving so I really couldn't tell how much of an impact it had!

Finished reading Death of a Salesman to the point where I'm prepared for the test tomorrow. Willy Loman makes me frustrated - so I have to debate on that or anguished as my gut reaction. Frustrated would be better, I think. I feel bad when I read about them, but frustrated at the same time. I'll flip a coin if I have to answer that on the test tomorrow!

Went home in the afternoon to have tea with my mom and then dinner with the family (or with mom and dad, since little sister doesn't really have dinner with us anymore since she's always on the computer). I spent time with mom today, and she seems to be better after that. I think she's lonely, when she's at home - and getting lonelier. It's another reason why I decided against moving so soon after I graduate - because I feel that she still has this need to be wanted, and needed. Or even less so, and that people need people. It was fun though, having cake and tea and talking about what had happened - it's a nice break in my week to spend the afternoon having tea with her! I should make that my routine for this semester, it's a nice feeling.

I also picked up the Charlie Pass (or card, I forget which it is) so I get to save ten cents per trip - which does add up I'm sure! Also, I was able to find all the things I went home to get, though I opted against bringing the printer. I can always go to the infocommons and print there! I also cleaned up around the room, so it's a better sight to the eyes.

Little sister and I watched budgie movies on youtube - they were cute, and then we saw a movie in tribute to someone's budgie who died. It made me sad, as usual - and I realized that you can tell if you can tell the depths of your feelings for someone or something when they're gone. You can think, "too bad" or "oh well" for something not as close to you - and then you can feel fear, or pain the closer they are. Maybe that's how you know you've found - and maybe lost - someone close to you. I hope I never have to lose in order to know that I've found something...especially if that happens to be someone I love dearly...or love the most. I told someone that I was not getting into relationships because I want to be close to the people who will be leaving when they graduate - which is true. After that...I don't know. :D I'll just be myself.

Short entry today - tired and I need to get up early. :D It's best if I eat breakfast, I've found. So sleep early and wake early! Or sleep early and then drag myself out of bed. XD Oh well. And I've noticed that right before I go to bed, everyone seems to have problems! :D It's all good though.

To do list for January 24, 2007:
- Eat breakfast
- Attend morning classes
- Have lunch, browse notes for DoaS
- Take DoaS test
- Attend afternoon classes
- Study for orgo
- Read texts
- Eat dinner
- Sleep early

So just be gentle with me
(I'm not as young as I was)
And I'll be gentle with you
I'm not as brave as I thought
'Cause my heart gets broken so easily.
So just be gentle, be gentle with me.

Rin [userpic]

It's snowing!

January 22nd, 2007 (05:41 pm)
content

current location: campus
current mood: content
current song: Tobira wo Akete - CCS 2 OP

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That's part of a bigger picture but I like the color of the skies and the sillhoutte of the tree and leaves against it. That was taken in my...sophomore year of high school, I believe? During a weekend-long camping trip my advanced placement biology class went on to study the ecosystems and habitats in the nearby island in the bay. There were skunks, rain and cold weather - and lots of skunks, rain and cold weather! Ahaha, but it was great. At one point me and my friend went back to get more marshmallows for the campfire and we wound up stuck on a picnic table surrounded by at least 6 skunks! Our teacher had to rescue us, but he was laughing the entire time. Another story was another two friends of mine decided to go swimming in the bay...now keep in mind the water is about freezing (had it been freshwater, but it was saltwater so technically the freezing point is lower), and it made me cold watching them. Also, all the other tents got flooded but ours - dad had such great foresight when it came to picking tents...we were nice and dry throughout the stormy days! And we played hide and go seek in tall weeds (twice my height) and half our group got lost...

Ohhh the memories! No, there was nothing artsy about that picture, I just wanted something on this entry and a stroll down memory lane! Promise, when I get my camera again I'll take a picture of something nice. Maybe of snow? I want to go to DC in the spring when the cherry blossoms are blooming. :D That would be fun...maybe I'll do that on my vacation! Anyway, I'll just hunt down old pictures and post them.

I got everything done today, including scheduling my eye doctor appointment. Unfortunately it's a wait, and I'm trying to see if I have a final pair of contacts to last until the new prescriptions come in. I'll be alright though, of course!

Reading "Death of a Salesman" by Arthur Miller right now. I read it back in sophomore year of high school, although I don't recall the play having much of an effect with me then. I'm reading it now and I can't help but feel sad, anguished by the scenes that were unfolding before my eyes. And then I feel anguished again because I'm being tested on it on Wednesday. XD I just kidding. I have tomorrow to review it, though I'm sure I'll be fine come exam time.

On a separate note, the popsicles I bought and left in the freezer are gone! I'm hoping it was shared by my roommates and a certain someone hasn't been eating it all in one go. I wish they left me one though! I was looking forward to them too...even though it's snowing outside. Ano, really snowing now...I was thinking it would be gone by now. Too bad I don't have class tomorrow. Then again, if they don't cancel class then, I'm really glad I don't have class tomorrow!

Update on popsicles: everyone had one yuppie! Now if we can solve the toilet that is constantly getting clogged... Long story. And first required readthrough of Death of a Salesman (hereby shortened to DoaS) - I don't remember it being that sad! Willy Loman's character is painful to watch - and the development of the character of Biff is hard to watch too, and the secrets he carries. I also didn't realize how much of an impact "Happy" aka Harold Loman's name is too. One-word gut reaction: anguish!

Also very sad that it doesn't have a happy ending. Demo, I guess life doesn't always have a happy ending? I'm sure that everything will be okay though, as long as I keep believing it will! Maybe not in the way I expect it, of course...but hey!

My comparative neurobiology class is interesting, but the only problem is that its so packed. I'm hoping students will start dropping the class, because there is just not enough seats for everyone to be in that class during lecture - what will happen during exams? I have a class before it, and it's about 2 minutes away - but even when I get there, the seats are always close to full! It would be bad if I had to run from far away too... There is also a girl in that class that for some reason always makes me feel down whenever I attend that class. I don't know why but she has this ability to bring down the mood - maybe it is because she never smiles?

Update on the Tokyo program:
$1000 for housing
$1595 for program
$600-1500 for flight
$500-1000 spending money
Estimated cost for program: 5,000 USD

Not too bad considering the Venice program is $10,000! Now I can start comparing prices for other programs.

Tomorrow is a day off, so to-do list for January 23rd:
- Eat breakfast
- Read DoaS for test preparation
- Study for orgo
- Read for comparative neuro
- Read for AP
- Problem sets for orgo
- Eat lunch at some point
- Head home to pick up orgo lab materials
- Have dinner
- Return back with the following: lab coat, safety goggles, graphing calculator, extra contacts, noodles, maybe printer
- Congratulate mother on traversing my room and coming back alive
- Take out the trash in the apartment
- Eat fruit!
- Play in the snow for a bit


It's all right daijoubu daijoubu daijoubu
kiseki datte okose
Here we go ikou yo ikou yo ikou yo tsubasa hiroge
kitto nani ka ga nani ka ga doko ka de deaeru hi o matteru
Doot! Doot! Doot! Dreaming! Dreaming! soshite tobira ga hiraku yo...

It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right.
Miracles can happen.
Here we go Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!
Spread your wings
I'm sure something, something, is out there somewhere,
just waiting for us to find it.
Doot! Doot! Doot! Dreaming! Dreaming!
And then the door will open...

Rin [userpic]

Brrrrr

January 22nd, 2007 (12:01 am)
productive

current location: Campus
current mood: productive
current song: Happy Row of Cherry Trees

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I was doing some facebook stuff and I realized I don't have a picture...and little sister had a picture of me when we were apple picking over the summer which I decided to use until I get the Europe pictures uploaded. :D That was fun times, even though we came too late in the season to get pears. I did make an excellent apple pie from the apples we picked though - and my friend Jean gave me a recipe for an apple cake that I have yet to try, but it tasted great when we had it during the office Christmas luncheon.

Overslept today - must've been more tired than I thought. :D Did get my laundry done though, and worked through the list I set yesterday. I just have to finish calculating the lab data for AP and send it out before 5PM tomorrow, but that's not a problem since I'm going to meet Court at the student center and get it done there around lunch. I have to make sure to make something I can eat in between! Maybe...I'll see if I have time to make and pack a sandwich tomorrow, but I highly doubt it...

I hear screaming (not in a pained terrified sort of way) outside, and I'm pretty sure that the Patriots lost, so maybe the Colts fans are celebrating? I walked by the lounge on the way out to go the market with Lily today and saw two cops sitting on the couch and watching, so they were getting ready for any riots that would have occurred. Thankfully, none. I think. I'll find out in the morning!

Tomorrow's To Do List:
- Turn in practice problems for AP
- Attend morning classes
- Have breakfast (oatmeal, since there's a good supply of it around now - and some fruit)
- See if a sandwich can be prepared for lunch
- Finish lab calculations and send out before 5PM to AP TA
- Attend afternoon classes
- Premed meeting at 7
- Schedule eye doctor appointment
- Check for lab equipment for Friday's orgo lab
- Continue reading Death of a Salesman (due Wednesday)
- Study for orgo exam (for next Monday)

No lyrics today - the music was instrumental.

Rin [userpic]

Dancing in the street!

January 21st, 2007 (12:00 am)
cheerful

current location: campus
current mood: cheerful
current song: Groovy! - CCS OP 1

So I really wanted a journal that wouldn't be chased by facebook. If I remember how, I'll probably end up customizing it once I have the time, or when we have a huge snowstorm that freezes that place over and no classes for a while - yay! Although my friend brings up a good point that snow and our parents is not a good thing, particularly since we don't live at home anymore to really be of any help. With dad's foot prone to getting hurt or aching on bad days, and now his arm developing pains, having him shovel wouldn't be a good thing. And since mom has bursitis, shoveling's not good for her either. Little sister doesn't really do much to help and is in the stage where she mopes and looks for shadows in the world, so we can't really expect too much for her yet. Uwaaaa...and all they want me to do is study and do well.

Classes are going well - it's been interesting running back and forth from the apartment to classes, especially since that ten minute hike is quite...cold! At least this past week it has been, due to some crazy weather going on. Then again, London has had 60-80 mile per hour winds (the image of people clinging to poles is funny), from what mom says, so I guess it could be worse. Then again I'd be up for clinging to poles and fences if it were warmer! Dad says I'd probably pull a Mary Poppins and be swept up into the sky, though. :>

Court wants me to go to Venice with her for a summer session of classes - digital photography and the history of art. I think it would be awesome - about a month in Venice taking pictures and living there, and learning Italian - too bad it's over 10,000 for the program, excluding spending fees, extra meal fees, and transportation fees for any extra traveling to be done on weekends. I could always opt for scholarships...but if I don't get them, I don't want mom and dad paying for it. I could shoulder most of it and ask for their help, but I think, logically, it would be better for me to find another summer program. :D And I wouldn't get any credit out of it anyway, except maybe diversity - which I can get elsewhere, spent wisely. I did find a summer program to live in Japan for a month for a better price - I just need to get all the information I can about it before I apply! I'm hoping a friend of mine can come along too - it would be awesome to be there with someone, even if I will be living with a host family for most of the duration.

Tomorrow is a pancake day for breakfast I think. Snow was beginning to fall this morning, but then it disappeared within a few minutes. The cold stayed though - but I didn't really notice it until I helped Lily move to her new place. I'm afraid I made a fool out of myself though to her roommate - the one that wasn't MIA. I thought this pink thing on her head was a hat (at a quick glance!) and I said "nice hat!" to her - ano, when I checked again, it was her hair. >.< It was dyed pink and spiked at the top. It was funny in retrospect, but at the time, not so much.

On a separate note, little sister gave me a cute pink dragon!

To do list:
- Have breakfast! (Pancakes and peaches)
- Finish animal physiology problems
- Finalize the data for animal physiology to be sent out on Monday before 5PM!
- Read the chapters for organic chemistry and finish taking notes on it, go over problems
- Read for comparative neurobiology! Take a look at some of the supplementary material.
- Eat lunch at one point - maybe have brunch with Court? If not - sandwich and some oranges, salad on the side.
- Eat dinner too! Something...gyuudon? Make sure to eat veggies and fruit, and have desert!
- Do laundry while reading and studying - don't forget it!
- See if there's a chunk of time to read Death of a Salesman for theatre class.
- Expect a call from Lily
- See if mom found the safety glasses and lab coat for Friday's lab
- Clean up the room!
- Sleep early.


machi ni dekakeyou hitori de ita tte kurai dake desho
ru-pu shite ochikonde
naosara ah nayanjatte
soto ni tobidasou shinpai iranai oomukashi kara
chikyuu datte mawatte'ru

Let's go out on the town. It's just gloomy being by yourself.
You get caught in an endless loop of depression
which troubles you ah all the more.
Let's fly outside. There's no need to worry.
The earth has been spinning since long, long ago.
And I'm sure the moon will keep spinning too.

Rin [userpic]

Mew!

January 20th, 2007 (11:51 pm)
working

current location: campus
current mood: working
current song: tooi kono mochi de - CCS Movie 1

I need to find the pictures that I took, and were taken when we went to London and Paris this summer. I could put those pictures on my iPod, but I keep forgetting to ask dad where he keeps them - and when I do, he never has the cord that I need to transfer them to my computer! Sigh.

Speaking of laptop, is it bad that mine clicks whenever it starts up? By click I mean the CD/DVD drive makes a clicking noise when it starts up, and it's a little concerning. I'm trying to figure out when the one-year warranty ends, so that maybe I can go and have it checked out by the Apple Store. If not...well, I'll see how long it lasts and then maybe go get another one! I think I should have enough saved to buy another by the end of this year, even after I go traveling this summer.

Traveling options! One is the Venice trip, but I don't know if I really want to spend ten thousand on it, even if it NU-sponsored. I'm sure my parents would pay, but I'd rather spend it elsewhere, particularly if it's something more along the lines of self-enjoyment than study. And I'd rather pay for it myself, since they already pay for my tuition and housing. :D There are plenty of places though, I just need to find them. There's actually this organization that does a study-abroad in Japan, for the summer session that I'm interested in (or have time to go during) - but it's hard to find specific costs.

http://www.centerforstudyabroad.com/tokyo.html

$1595 USD for the program
$1500~ for airfare, roundtrip
$30-150~ for airport pickup (maybe twice the amount, if I need to be dropped off at the airport again)
$1000? Homestay option
Projected costs: About five thousand

Don't know if the first-night hotel fee is included in the costs though...it appears to be, since it's not covered in the additonal costs section. I emailed them on Friday, but I haven't received a response yet. I did send it on Friday, so I wouldn't be surprised if they would respond on a business day - it's all good! Gives me some time to look into it, and if they haven't responded by tomorrow night (since they claim they have a 24-hour turnaround time), I'll just resubmit my inquiry.

The pear I had today was yummy, on a different note. Oishii!

I watched Da Vinci Code today, which is what inspired my musings on traveling. There really is something special with traveling abroad - and seeing a different place...I have to admit I liked London a lot more that Paris, but Paris did have its charms. Going to the boulangerie every morning to pick up a few loaves of freshly-baked baguettes to eat with some fruit and cheese before roaming the streets of Paris is different from a day back at home. Paris seemed romantic while London seemed more...alive? The hotel we stayed at in London was fabulous too.

Dad and I got lost in Paris, which was funny. We almost got locked out of the train station because we took the wrong stop, and our tickets wouldn't work in the zone we had wound up in. Good thing we were used to having train stations (and had the sense to stay inside the station instead of exiting), and just took the train back to the last stop that was familiar. Keep in mind that we didn't know a word of French (I could count to...six!) and ordering our tickets was already hard with someone to help us - and there wasn't anyone at the ticketbooth! All things ended well, and we were fine of course!

I miss the Oranginas in Europe, and these square chocolates from London.

I made the decision recently, to not move after I completed my undergraduate schooling. Lily was happy, since I wouldn't be running off right after I graduated. No, I'm not staying because of a boy I've fallen in love with, haha. I want to be near my parents for a bit, to make sure things are okay and my little sister doesn't do anything to drive them to madness. Also, I need to do my graduate studies, and if I wind up following the path to med school, I'll have to stay in the US. Either way, I need a few more years here to study!


daisuki datta ano uta
furui teepu no naka
chiisana kizu iro aseta taitoru
nijinda yoake

soshite mata kyou ga kuru
natsu no kaze o tsurete
narete yuku hibi no katasumi de
futo kodoku ni deau

jitensha de doko made mo
kaze o keru hayasa wasurenai

lalalala utaou sora o miagete
lalalala It's my life aruite yukou
watashi no chikara de susumu hate shinai kono michi o

ikutsumo no kousaten itsumo mayou kedo
nagasare tari oikosare tari shite
ima o ikiteru

butsu karu koto mitomeru koto
otona ni natte mo wasurenai

lalalala utaou sora o miagete
lalalala It's my life aruite yukou
watashi dake no mono dakara jishin matte ii yo ne

umareta machi de yumemite kita
kujikeru tabi ni omoidasu
ano uta no you ni ima dekiru koto wa
sukoshi demo mae ni fumi dasu koto

lalalala utaou sora o miagete
lalalala It's my life aruite yukou
lalalala utaou sora o miagete
lalalala It's my life aruite yukou
watashi no chikara de susumu hate shinai kono michi o

lalalala utaou sora o miagete
lalalala It's my life aruite yukou
watashi no chikara de susumu hate shinai kono michi o


I loved that song
on the old tape
Little scratches, a faded title...
A blurry dawn.

And so, the day repeats itself
accompanied by a summer breeze
In a corner of the familiar day-by-day routine
I suddenly meet with loneliness

I'll never forget
how fast I could kick the wind
on my bike,
going however far I wanted.

la la la la I'll sing my song,
with my face toward the sky.
la la la la It's my life
I'll walk on
Using my own strength
to go forward along this endless road.

With so many crossroads,
I'm always lost,
but though sometimes I wander and sometimes I fall off the path
I'm living the present

Clashing with others,
accepting others...
Even when I grow up
I'll never forget.

la la la la I'll sing my song,
with my face toward the sky.
la la la la It's my life
I'll walk on
It's something that's mine alone,
so I guess I can have some confidence in myself

In the town we were born in, we dreamed
Everytime I'm crushed, I remember
that just like that song, there's something I can do right now:
step forward, even if just a little.

la la la la I'll sing my song,
with my face toward the sky.
la la la la It's my life
I'll walk on

la la la la I'll sing my song,
with my face toward the sky.
la la la la It's my life
I'll walk on,
Using my own strength
to go forward along this endless road.

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